“Oh, so sad, I wonder how your family must be managing, after all, it is the mother’s responsibility to look after the family. Mothers have a tough job to do. I know how much we have to sacrifice”, an aunt said to me. She was visiting me at the hospital, where I was recovering from a serious accident.
She left after sending me on a guilt trip.
But I overcame the guilt feelings and, in fact, had a better lucidity about my Motherhood. My aunt expressed her concern in a cliched manner. The stereotype glorification of a sacrificing mother.
Motherhood is not at all the hardest job, and a mother need not sacrifice her identity.
I was hospitalised for some time after a major mishap. My family–my husband, school-going daughter, and son–surely missed my presence as much as I missed being with them.
My aunt did set me thinking. I would often tear my hair and rant about not being able to go out or have some leisure time. I would sometimes, out of exasperation, threaten my family, “I am going to take a long vacation; you may manage things on your own.” Now, as I lay incapacitated, I thought to myself, “Is this the long vacation that I was looking for? I am away from my family. The morning rush–Where is my diary? Mom, I can’t find my socks; Only one sandwich, Mom; I am too full.” The banter in the peak morning rush, the dinner table exchange, the weekend togetherness. I realised that all of this was my privilege as a mother.
I do agree that a mother needs to glorify herself by sacrificing for her family, moreover by publicising it. Why should a good mother be defined as one who makes the most sacrifices? I need not give up my interests or my career to prove that I am a good mother. When I feel drained, writing a story or reading a good book rejuvenates me, and I am ready to add happiness to my family life.
My husband updated me about our home. He managed the kids and business just as fine. The family survived without me.
I remembered the time when I was away from the family for my professional commitments. The distance did not affect our bonding or relationship a wee bit. A refreshed mother took over from where she had left. I remembered the directions given to passengers before take-off. I knew that the oxygen was required by me first, before I could handle my home situation.
Why should I take the pressure of being a sacrificing mother? My family survived, much as we missed each other, though.
So, mothers, take some time out for yourself. Bring a little respite, joy to your life.
A happy mother can make a family happy.
“Motherhood is not a sacrifice, but a privilege—one that many of us choose selfishly.”
Pradnya Surve
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