Maternity: An article by Nisha Tandon

A woman is complete in herself they say, but motherhood bestows upon her a rebirth. For me it was an incessant wait of almost a decade and a yearning to hold a six odd pounds in my bare hands.  I had always been a happy and content person but there were moments of isolation when I questioned Why Me?  There were trials and tribulations and sleepless nights. To respect the beliefs of the family, we crossed all boundaries of religion and prayed in temples, dargahs, and churches. I was finally compelled to go in for adoption after facing dejection for almost 7 years without a successful conception.

But as though God was testing my faith in him, destiny had other plans. And as I signed papers to complete the formalities for adoption in Dehradun on 9th Dec 2000, I felt liberated. A decision was taken and I looked forward to beginning a new life. New dreams we dreamed and just could not wait for the blessing to arrive.

And soon after I felt a strange change within myself. Just to rule out the last ray of hope which I still clung on to, in January 2001 I decided to conduct the home pregnancy test. I recall the restlessness that night. It is all so vivid. Two lines on the pregnancy strip changed my entire life. I could not control the tears of joy and disbelief. To reconfirm, we visited a nursing home and as we waited for the reports, my heart skipped many beats. The feeling is indescribable, the anxiety, the joy being overshadowed by fears. And when the nurse approached me with the report and casually said: “Haan positive hai” she did not know what those three golden words meant to me. It was God’s will to bless me just when I was on the brink of giving up.

It was 13th January, the festival of Lohri, an auspicious day that celebrates fertility and the spark of life. There couldn’t have been a better day to get the news.  We broke the same to my parents and shared tears of joy that made us forget all the pain of years gone by.  Our family despite being conservative opened a champagne bottle to celebrate the moment!

And then began a journey that every mom-to-be looks forward to. A million concerns shrouded my mind. How would my unborn explore within me, a world so unknown? The wait was endless. The bond between us strengthened with every conversation we had. My solicitous heart would beat with the tiny heart which was yet to manifest. At times I was afraid of dreaming,  fearing the worst. With God’s grace, she gave birth to a mother on September 1st. It was my rebirth. There was jubilance and happiness around. We celebrated her. When she was being video graphed, there were people asking my mother, is it a baby boy? Typical Indian mentality. They did not know the celebration was long overdue, we had waited for her arrival for the last 8 years.