“Gender equality not only liberates women, but also men from the prescribed roles.” – Emma Watson
While reading “The Color” by Alice Walker to the Post Graduate students, we came across an incident in which the young Harpo (A male character) is shown changing the diaper of his baby, and his wife Sonia fixing the roof of their shed. His father watches him intently and with an ironic smile says, “Next you are cooking food for the family as Sonia runs your juke joint, the pub.” The incident led to a debate in the classroom among the students about redefining gender roles and breaking taboos. Many girls were of the opinion that they often come across such remarks, ”Ladke ho Kar tum kaam kyu Kar rahe ho? Tumhari mom/wife kaha hai? Blah! Blah Blah.” And most of the girls agreed that at homes, their fathers and brothers indulge in the pleasure of watching TV or roaming around, and their mothers and sister-in-laws work incessantly, and even if they are working ones, still the onus to run homes falls on them.
I have personally heard so many stories about men feeling uneasy as their wives pay for everything, or generally, they remain hostile to their wives’ career excelling over theirs. Modern India may have undergone several revolutions towards a society of gender equality, but being a househusband is still taboo! Well, the harsh reality is that being a man can also be hard, but if a man chooses to be a househusband, there are many who will raise an eyebrow at his choices. However, in present times, being a house husband is a common trend, and both partners choose to support each other.
My husband has been quite supportive and is proud of my accomplishments. Finding me engrossed in household drudgery, he always encourages me to continue my writing. If I am anxious regarding household work getting neglected, he helps me out by preparing sandwiches or pea pulao or a workable meal. He happily holds my handbag and the books that I intend to buy as I flip through the pages of a book in a bookstore.
Being a working woman myself all my life, I have always encouraged my son to help his working wife with household chores. Small gestures of taking off the clothes from a clothes drying stand, folding them, arranging them in an almirah, or cooking a surprise meal for the wife lead to the strengthening of the bond between the couple.
Though some of my friends often rue over the fact that their husbands are quite ready to help them, yet their mothers-in-law can’t bear their sons working in the kitchen. So, we ourselves are responsible for making household work a taboo for men in Indian households. The times are changing, and until we stop bad-mouthing, nothing will ever change. I fail to comprehend why these things have been made taboo. Living in the 21st century, having this kind of outlook is like becoming a laughing stock in modern society. A socially constructed myth still prevails in society that men doing house chores is belittling and below their status. Let us not be judgmental. How beautifully the movie ‘Ki & Ka’ portrays the ambitious woman Kia, marrying Kabir, a man who prefers the role of a house husband. They enjoy their unconventional relationship until challenges, including ego clashes and jealousy, set in. But the movie ends with an insightful message that we need to break age-old conventions and social conditioning that are obsolete now. Society can never be appreciative of every radical change, but we as members of the same society must shed our dogmatic perspective and embrace the new thinking with a positive note.
My firm belief is that if the family were a boat, it would be a canoe that makes no progress unless everyone paddles.
Dr. Ritu Kamra Kumar
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