Pujo

Kavya stood in one corner of the room with her toddler, who was getting increasingly restless. However, she held him securely despite his protests, attempting to be as unobtrusive as possible.

It was her maternal grandmother’s place and people had gathered for Panchami.

The advent of Maa.

Kavya mostly avoided family functions after her divorce. But she had always loved Pujo and despite herself, her heart yearned to attend the festivities that she had grown up watching, prancing around. The beautiful image of the sixteen-year-old Goddess as She visited home with Her siblings, the Bhog, the Dhak in Her honor. She had always looked at Sindoor Khela with anticipation for her own future. The joy, the colors, the laughter…

Her life had turned out nothing like she’d thought. Now she looked at the proceedings and people wistfully.

“Kavya…?”

She turned. It was her great grandmother.

“Are you not participating in the festivities?”

Kavya smiled.

The older lady sat down on a chair and pulled her grand daughter next to her. Some people stopped by to greet the matriarch. Kavya pretended to busy herself with her wriggling son. After they left, the grandmother turned back to her, smiling, “You have bound yourself and along with you, him as well!”

The matriarch smiled at the toddler but continued talking, “I know, Kavya…”

Kavya stayed silent. She wondered how much the older lady had been told.

The constant infidelity, the violent and emotional abuse or the eventual heartbreak of her husband trying to pimp her out.  The worst part was he was her Mami’s nephew. She would always run into him or his family even after their divorce.

She felt a soft frail hand cover hers.

“We cannot control what experiences life chooses to give us. Blaming ourselves and robbing our own joy then becomes pointless.”

How could Kavya explain the shame she felt.

“You meet wrong people. Sometimes you go wrong yourself. But once it gets corrected, we must slowly close the door to that past. Not relive it all the time.”

Kavya bowed her head, feeling tearful.

“Do you know why Maa comes every year?

The matriarch smiled, “As humans we go through so much- we lose hope, become embittered, defeat ourselves. She comes to remind you that battles must be fought, but every victory must be celebrated, and one must always leave hope behind and enjoy, just like She does for Her children…”

With that her grandmother looked at her son, “You have to prepare someone else for their own battles later.”

She stood up and caressed Kavya’s cheek, taking the toddler from her.

“Travel light, my child. Let go of things that don’t serve you. Hold on to yourself and …” her grandmother looked at her questioningly.

 “Maa…,” She completed.

Placing her hand on Kavya’s head, the matriarch smiled and moved ahead.

Kavya looked ahead to where women were weaving garlands. Slowly, she stood up, wiped her tears and walked towards them.

Maa truly was coming home!

Akshata A. Hegde