Peer Relationships

Psychologists are qualified members of a team that support students’ ability to learn and teachers’ ability to teach. They engage in a collaborative process with people in the child’s bio-psycho-social system i.e. the student, the teachers and educational systems, the family, and the community along with other professionals involved with the child. They apply expertise in mental health, learning, and behaviour to help children and youth succeed academically, socially, behaviourally, and emotionally.

Ms Kashmira Vazifdar is a psychologist and an arts-based therapy practitioner working in SPJ Sadhana School for Special Needs, Mumbai for almost three decades. Currently the coordinator of the Enhanced Intervention Centre (the therapy section of the school), she is a Fellow of the Trinity College, London (FTCL) in Applied Drama and is a qualified trainer for Speech, Drama and Communication Skills. Kashmira is also a PhD Scholar at SNDT Women’s University.

Peer relationships are interpersonal relationships established and developed during social interactions among peers or individuals. They provide a unique context in which children learn a range of critical social and emotional skills, such as empathy, cooperation, and problem-solving strategies. So, it becomes important to explore this aspect with regards to people with special needs.

Often with children with special needs, parents are unable to promote this relationship because of constant pressures related to the medical conditions, academic support, and social behaviour challenges. Hence it doesn’t become a priority for their children, there are other more important aspects which need their attention.

Benefits of Peer Relationships:

On being asked the importance of peer relationships for people with special needs, Kashmira shared that for all human beings, peer relationships are the most endearing relationships of their lifetime which aide in learning life lessons, a mix of positive and negative. She feels that despite constant parental support, peer support is more impactful and for every child, especially adolescents, healthy peer relationships are necessary. As a psychologist, Kashmira considers it a crucial element of their lives and advises parents to take initiative and encourage their children to mingle with their peers. For children with special needs, who need training, repetition, and learning at every stage, peer relationships bring along a plethora of positive effects on them and their social behaviour.

• They learn social skills which help to modify their behaviour.
• They learn to share, take turns to do things, learn problem solving and team building.
• It helps in exposure to social situations to teach them appropriate behaviour and modify it if required.
• It helps to develop communication, whether verbal or nonverbal which leads to enhancement of social skills.
• They learn how to regulate emotions and understand emotions of others and self.

Good peer relationships will transfer into their workspace, whether vocationally placed, in a workshop, hotel or a shop. It helps them to adjust better. Kashmira lays stress on “Empathy” factor which aides in developing kindness, caring and in turn strengthening friendships.

Who are the Ideal Peers:

When asked if children with special needs would gel better with neuro typical children or with children with special needs. (Neurotypical is a descriptor that refers to someone who has the brain functions, behaviours, and processing considered standard or typical.) Kashmira feels that ideally children should be able to mingle with children in general and not be categorised. It depends upon the opportunities they are exposed to. This is where “Inclusion” plays a significant role. It’s unfortunate that the behaviour of a special needs’ child is not socially accepted and sometimes parents refrain their children from interacting with them. She suggests that an initiative should be taken to create awareness among parents about the condition of the child and the various challenges faced by them.

Kashmira reiterates that it’s difficult to change the attitude of the people in the society and this is where peer relationships with their own kinds, plays a significant role.

• They could spend an afternoon together, go for a movie or an ice cream, or a small meet up which is not too overwhelming for either of them.
• Play dates can be tried later when the children can be independently left at a friend’s house.
• Gatherings such as birthdays can be a good chance for them to interact with their friends, going out for movies or an outing to a café. They should be given freedom to decide on their orders while discussing can help to create camaraderie in the group.
• Playing games together, sports activities, cooking sessions, cycling together or even attending creative classes can play a vital role in developing peer relationships. These also help in learning social skills, cooperate with each other, or learning a new technique.

This is exactly what we, parents of special needs in Dubai do. We have formed various groups where we have sessions in art, photography, dance and sometimes even coffee meets of people of determination, giving them an opportunity to socialize without being judged. Outings need to be specially designed to accommodate the special needs.

Role of Others:

Kashmira has seen through her experience that once the teachers have developed exceptionally firm, and healthy relationships with their students in the Centre, then with the help of parents, a little bit of socializing outside the school has helped the students to develop sustaining and lasting relationships into their adulthood. They find comfort in sharing their life experiences with their friends.

Kashmira feels siblings play a key role in the life of the special needs person at home and they could be a bit more initiative-taking. Parents should create a congenial atmosphere at home and provide a fair share of attention to all the children. The neuro typical sibling should be taught to understand the needs and challenges of his/her special needs sibling and not feel embarrassed in public. It is important to place trust in them to manage the situation. In Dubai, Al Noor rehabilitation centre where Anoushka, my daughter, studies, have a sibling’s club. It is heart-warming to see the children interact in complete harmony.

Kashmira has noticed that obsession in friendship can be a cause of concern at times. This leads to possessiveness and people with special needs take the liberty to continue to message or call their friends which can be very overbearing, and this may lead to the friends withdrawing. Phone ethics need to be introduced to them.  Often people with special needs connect better with people older or younger to them since they don’t feel threatened with competition. Though there’s nothing wrong with this, yet similar age friendships should be encouraged. Lack of peer relationships can cause a sense of lack of self-esteem for them but being surrounded by friends can boost their morale and lead to self-confidence.

Negative Impact of Peer Relationships:

Kashmira feels that apart from all the positive impact of peer relationships, sometimes they can also contribute negatively to social & emotional development through bullying, exclusion, and deviant peer processes. They are so vulnerable that their desire for acceptance can lead them to reach out to people who may not be trustworthy, and this could be misused. Here, parents need to do close supervision as to who is in their inner circle. Kashmira says, they have had instances where children with mild or moderate disability level have been exploited on social media that led to untoward incidents. Another important aspect of peer relationship is bullying, many a times they are ridiculed or made fun of. It is important for parents to create awareness about this and if necessary, intervene and counsel the children on both sides. Parents need to ensure that their children are safeguarded against wrong influence of the peers.

Kashmira mentions, when there is no reciprocation, it has a deep impact on the child which could lead to anger, aggression, hyper activity or frustration and they should be oriented to take dejection in their stride. Due to lack of peers and as a parent, if we are unable to create opportunities for the same, the child shifts focus on the digital world, or social media which can be detrimental to their being.

Friendship is an important requirement of a special needs adolescent. We, as parents, should be able to create that kind of opportunities since there is a need for companionship among them too.

“That’s the greatest applause that any person will ever receive in their life when it comes from their peers”

– Andre Agassi