ALSphere Foundation
For generations, the Indian mother-in-law was both feared and revered. Her sharp words could carve divisions in a household, while her eyes missed no detail in her daughter-in-law’s performance of duties. The daughter-in-law, in turn, bore the brunt of constant criticism from her upbringing to her skills in household chores. And the son? A mere spectator, passively watching the power dynamics unfold.
This scenario, rooted in patriarchy, shaped Indian households for centuries. Women were confined to the four walls of their homes, with their lives revolving around domesticity. From their parental house to their marital home, their existence was defined by serving others. Frustration built up over time, often finding its outlet in the relationship with the daughter-in-law, who became the target of unexpressed grievances. And so, the cycle of torment continued, as daughters-in-law endured without retaliating, accepting their role in this social hierarchy.
However, the 1980s marked a paradigm shift. Economic reforms, coupled with access to education, began to reshape societal expectations. Girls were not only educated but also encouraged to pursue careers, which led to them playing a more visible and active role in society. This shift in mindset had ripple effects, challenging the longstanding archetype of the domineering mother-in-law.
Indian cinema mirrored these changes. Where once films showcased vicious, scheming mothers-in-law as central antagonists, the late 80s and 90s ushered in characters who were more liberal and progressive. Movies like Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge and Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham portrayed mother-in-law figures who, while rooted in tradition, were increasingly compassionate, glamorous, and even mediators between the old and the new.
Today, the modern Indian mother-in-law walks a very different path. Education and empowerment have turned her into a more confident, self-assured woman who enjoys life on her own terms. She’s as likely to be found discussing skincare routines with her daughter-in-law at a spa as she is sharing keto recipes at family gatherings. Armed with a smartphone, she’s scheduling Zoom calls with her friends, keeping track of global news, or looking up new financial strategies. Being tech-savvy is second nature to her now, and she shares a camaraderie with her daughter-in-law that was once unimaginable.
Gone is the archetypal villainous streak. Instead, today’s mother-in-law is a woman with ambitions and passions, unwilling to be bound by old stereotypes. She doesn’t want to “hang up her boots” just because she’s reached a certain age. She’s curious, engaged, and unapologetically forward-thinking.
As Robert Frost once said:
“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have miles to go before I sleep.”
Today’s Indian mother-in-law has miles to go—not because she’s tethered to tradition, but because she’s carving out new paths for herself. And in this journey, she’s not alone—she walks alongside her daughter-in-law, as an equal.
Dr Preeti Talwar
