ALSphere Foundation
The other day, my nephew’s daughter woke up with an acute stomach pain and refused to go to the school. But after the school hours were over, her stomach ache simply vanished, and we found her playing joyously and relishing a curd-rice meal. Indeed, her stomach ache was genuine, but the ‘causative factor’ was different. She had been given a tough and tedious assignment by the teacher. As it was beyond her capacity, her defense mechanism had invented the device of stomach ache though involuntarily.
Stanley Hall has said that the human mind is like an iceberg, nine-tenths below the water and one-tenth above. What we can see comes in the realm of consciousness, and what is hidden can be interpreted as subconscious and unconscious, as per the studies of Sigmund Freud. While most physical diseases are caused by viruses, and can be cured by medication, the psychological ones need to be tackled with compassion and radical change in the psyche because they are born of mental conflicts and fears that grip our minds.
“A bad workman quarrels with his tools,” adage aptly sums up the tendency to shift the blame on others. Children learn this method very early. We often hear this, “I wrote the answers very well. The teacher is haughty and deducts the marks without any reason.” The same pattern can be found in grownups also. The disappointed suitor accuses the girl of having fallen for another fellow’s higher social stature. This tendency is called the sour grapes reaction. It gives solace to the injured ego.
Dr Karl Menninger cites the case of a woman who suffered an attack of boils every time she got to know that her in-laws were about to visit her. The case of the little son of my nephew falls in the same category. The causative factors behind these situations are mental conflicts. According to Alfred Adler, an Austrian psychologist, serious mental conflicts centre around three vital phases of life: social status, occupations and sex life. Conflicts are found in every individual. They remain with us throughout our lives. Our social milieu is such that comparisons are often made between individuals. Parents and teachers compare a child favourably or unfavourably with others. Adults, too, keep on comparing themselves with their peers involuntarily. Moreover, when an individual is made to feel inferior to his peers, his self-respect gets hurt, and his desire to improve is thwarted leading to turmoil and tension. At this juncture, the child or an adult needs to be treated with care and compassion which can lead to reformation and restoration of confidence and conviction in them. Psychologists have proved that an individual who fails to receive love or affection loses the best bases or moral development. So, it has to be the family that raises the foundation for most future travails as well as triumphs. When a child or an adult who loves his dear ones gets scolded by them, he develops a love-hate relationship with them–a conflict in itself.
The main source of sex conflicts is social taboos, though taboos are losing because of social media and sex education being introduced as part of the curriculum. Marriage, no doubt, is the most fulfilling mode of living life to the fullest but conflicts occur there too: compatibility issues, childcare issues, etc. ail couples’ bond making them feel lost and forlorn. Some Individuals indulge in daydreaming, in intense need of a happy ending, courtesy screen or literary models but that isn’t the solution. One needs to come out of illusion and confront reality by verbalising sharing of the repressed fears and frets, balancing fantasy with facts, and living vigorously but wisely. Just In the case of my nephew’s son, what helped was a patient hearing, counselling and a hug from a teacher, which solved the mental dilemma of the child, providing the gateway to a healthy body and mind, which is necessary for everybody to be fit and fine.
Dr. Ritu Kamra Kumar
