ALSphere Foundation
‘Hand in hand the couple moves cooing in style
Walking through travails and triumphs of life’
Marriage holds an important place in human relationships because it fulfils the fundamental need for love, liveliness, loyalty and longings in a way no other relationship can. Holding on to each other in a marriage is of paramount importance. This is truer in present times when the institution of marriage is shaking up. The patience to make relationship work is dwindling as the distractions of modern life have taken over. Women are caught between domestic compulsions and professional commitments as husbands too are trying hard to adjust to play dual role of being a partner sharing household drudgery and giving their best in jobs.
Sensual relationships in youth, the bewitching portrayal of marriage in movies elevates it to the pedestal of rosy hues with romance and rapture. It makes us believe that marriage is all about vows to cherish and hold with promises of joy untold. But gradually both the partners realize that between husband and wife, difference of opinion and views, different ways of doing or saying something, misinterpretation of what is said, is bound to happen. None prepares for these challenges, adjustments and compromises.
Keeping the spouse pleased and happy is the wish of every husband and wife because he or she being the special one with whom one desires to live happily and harmoniously for the whole life.
What a spouse expects from the other is care and compassion and a shoulder to lean on.
I had an arranged marriage and the initial years of marriage passed from trivial tiffs to hilarious moments, and relationship swung between grey areas where we had confusing conflicts and mighty conversations and mesmerizing moments. Both of us struggled to give each other space. Slowly but surely, we learnt that mutual respect is the key on which a marriage is built leading to an emotional bond.
Life as such has far too many problems, so it is not worth fighting over issues arising in married life. None is perfect so ignoring each other’s shortcomings and mistakes is the best thing to do instead of wallowing in self-pity. Forgive, forget and move ahead is the mantra of successful married life. Nursing negative feelings can damage the relationship of married couples.
There are times when the hurt is too deep or scars are hard to hide but we need to be flexible and forgiving. Compromise by meeting the partner midway which means that you have been able to strike a balance. Couples should refrain from aggression, abuse and adamant attitude.
How true are words of Khalil Gibran in ‘The Prophet’
‘…Stand together yet not too near together
For the pillars of the temple stand apart
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow’
These words aptly convey the overarching quality of marriages; appreciating distance, giving space to each other works wonders in togetherness.
After thirty-four years of marriage, I have this epiphany that husband and wife’s blissful togetherness is nurtured by mutual give and take. The charm, curiosity and congeniality of marriage rest on the axis of sharing, sacrificing and having a supportive perspective towards each other. Real love is communion of not only bodies but souls that goes beyond this earthly love.
A happy marriage needs a non judgmental acceptance, shared values, companionship, emotional connect, flexibility and empathy, patient hearing and adjusting to each other’s needs, whims, likes and dislikes. In this way, a married relationship works harmoniously to the pleasure of family and society.
How pertinent are words of Friedrich Nietzche, “It isn’t a lack of love but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages”
So couples be together in the ebbs and flows of life,
“Be bound together by sacred threads
Join hands and together tread
Regale in splendid lustre of eternal calm
Let fond memories strengthen blessed bonds”
Ritu Kamra Kumar
